How Macaroni and Cheese Saved the World
by DeepSentinel
Summary: Me and my family aren't normal, you can tell that just by looking at our house. But because of a certain twat and a bowl of mac-&-cheese, things are about to get a whole lot crazier. Based on est. 1995 aka Lollidictator's unit manual fics. T for swearing


I hate clichéd introductions. Alas, I have no clue how to do it any other way. Except maybe to say that it's always Webster's fault. But that's cliché too, so I'm still unable to do it right...

Oh well. Let's try it all cliché-like now...

I've had a lot of names in my lifetime, but the one I go by now is my personal favorite. So you'll know me as Renate Villàm. And please, don't call me "Sparky" unless you want your head blown off. 'Cause that's happened to someone before...

Me and my family aren't normal. I guess you'll find that out later. But all you need to know now it that we're not human. We're far more powerful than humans, and I guess most of that is thanks to our "mom," Jane D'Orleans. She's the reason that we all aren't dead.

But I digress.

Anyways, we were all chilling in the Cheese Shack. It's not really a shack, and, despite Valencia's protests, it's not actually filled with cheese. From the outside, it looks like a slightly smaller than average one floor house. But in the last room in the hall, there's a secret door that leads to where we actually live, which for lack of better description, is a castle in an alternate dimension. I'm not clear on the specifics, but Jane somehow managed to find a medieval castle, modernize it, and drag it into a different dimension in a closet.

So I was chilling in my room, listening to music and surfing the internet. I heard a knock on the door, and cut the power to my boombox, getting off my bed. It was Webster, by far the most annoying person you'll ever have the displeasure to meet.

"What is it, Air-Head?" I ask. "I was relaxing. Can't you go bother somebody else for a while?"

"Well I'm _so-rry_, Sparky." Insert me glaring. "Jane needs you to help her with something in the kitchen. I didn't even want to come get you."

"Then why didn't you just send Narcisius or Allena instead?" I asked. Webster glowered and turned away.

I raced towards the kitchen, balls of electricity at my feet, propelling me forwards. I'm an Electrokinetic, that's my power. All of us developed a power when Jane saved us.

All Jane wanted was for me to help her give the Cheese Shack its yearly recharge. So, being the hungry un-aging electrokinetic that I am, I decided to use my power for good. That's right, I made mac-&-cheese. And it's awesome being able to cook mac-&-cheese in 2.09 seconds flat. I'm pretty sure I read somewhere that mac-&-cheese was invented by the Prussians. Which would explain why it's so awesome. I spent 30 minutes just enjoying my slightly-early lunch.

When I finally got back to my room, though, I found something.

"... What the Hell are you doing in my room, Air-Head?!"

Webster jumped and tried to scamper out of my room, but he didn't leave without a new scar on his back and a half-charred shirt. Ah, well, it'll heal in a few minutes anyways...

I looked at my computer screen and nearly choked.

Thank you for ordering Hetalia Units. Your order will arrive on the next business day.

I looked at the calendar. It was a Tuesday. Great. Stupid mac-&-cheese.

.oO0Oo.

I woke up on the couch. Last night had been a movie marathon as none of us had work today, and I guess I had fallen asleep during the middle of it. I went to the kitchen to get my ritual cup of tea- don't look at me like that. I may be American (I think. It's been a few loops), but I've never gotten used to the taste of coffee. Someone knocked on the door, and I almost dropped my tea.

Now most people wouldn't freak out if someone knocked on their door. But you've got to remember that our house is inside a closet in another house. So even if someone found it, them knocking is extremely... uh... NOT VERY PLAUSIBLE. Big word of the day aside, I had a perfectly justifiable reason to be startled.

I inched towards the door as quietly as possible and looked through the one-way peephole. I expected a bunch of things. The police, maybe some girl scouts. Might as well add Slender Man looking to borrow $20 to that list while I'm at it. I was not, however, expecting a rather cute young human man in a ridiculous mint green rabbit hat with a large crate. So of course, I opened the door.

"Um, can I help you?" I asked, trying to look as not-guilty as possible. Not innocent, just not guilty.

"Are you Renate Villàm?" he asked. I nodded.

"If you'd just sign here," he said, holding out a clipboard. I nodded and signed. He wheeled the box into the parlor and handed me a booklet.

**ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO: User Guide and Manua**l

Ah, Spain. At least it wasn't France or America.

"Your next unit will be by in a few days. Good luck." And with that, the attractive delivery guy whose ass I totally wasn't staring at left.

"Let's see, now how do I work this," I muttered to myself, flipping open the booklet.

"What's that?" Narcisius asked, walking into the room. I threw the book at him. And of course, he caught it. Narcisius is my brother. My actual, blood-related, we-were-siblings-when-we-were-still-human-although-we-didn't-actually-know-it-until-we-almost-died, twin brother. He's an audiokinetic and can cook like a culinary genius.

"You ordered a Spain Hetalia Unit?" he asked. I shook my head.

"The Air-head snuck into my room and was messing around on my computer. I guess he clicked something."

"You really shouldn't let him play with your stuff."

"Hey! I'm pretty sure I cut the power to my room when I left to go help recharge the Cheese Shack," I said, crossing my arms. Narcisius raised an eyebrow.

"Your laptop has a battery. It keeps some of the charge you give it," he said. Seeing as I was out of things to throw at him, I just stuck my tongue out.

"Can you just help me get 'Tonio out of here?" I asked. Narcisius sighed and walked over to the crate, handing my the book. I looked at the section titled:

**Removal of your ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO from Packaging:**

"Well," I said. "We have no Lovino unit, and I don't think we should drop-kick the tomato unless we want it to be forever lost in a swirling mass of other-dimension-ness, so Narcisius, TO THE KITCHEN!" I pointed off in the general direction if the kitchen and raced off. I heard Narcisius sigh behind me.

I was helpfully supervising the production of the delicious chicken enchiladas the entire time, pointing things out to Narcisius.

"Don't forget the chicken, Nar!"

"The sauce, Nar, the sauce!"

"OH MY GOD, NAR, DON'T BURN IT!"

"Ren, will you please just SHUT UP AND LET ME COOK?!"

I harumphed and made my way back to the box. And waited. And waited. Jeez, I was hungry. Maybe Antonio would share some of the enchiladas with me? Finally, I heard Narcisius come back with the food, and I nearly jumped for joy. And apparently, so did Antonio.

I backed away as the box started to shake, and went to retrieve a crowbar. It seems as though it didn't need it, though, because when I came back, there was a freed Antonio eating a plate of enchiladas and a demolished box.

"Hola, chica!" He said, waving.

"Hi, Antonio!" I said, waving back. "I'm Renate, but you can just call me Ren. This is our house, the Cheese Shack, and I live here with my family. That's my brother, Narcisius." I pointed to said audiokinetic in the corner, and he lifted a hand.

"There are," I paused and counted in my fingers. "Um, nine of us here already. I'm an electrokinetic, and Narcisius is an audiokinetic. And then there's Allena, a magnekinetic, her boyfriend Lazaro, a telekinetic, Valencia, a lumokinetic, Figaro, a chronokinetic, Katlyn, a- what do we call her, Nar?" I asked in Narcisius's general direction. he shrugged. I turned back to Antonio. "Well there's Katlyn, whatever she is, Webster, the twat of an aerokinetic, and Jane, who's like our "mom" and is basically all of us combined. Except she figured out the inner workings of Hammerspace."

Antonio just nodded and smiled. "You all seem very nice." I just stared at the enchiladas. He somehow got the hint and gave me one.

"Renate! What was that sound?" I heard somebody yell. I looked at Narcisius.

"You didn't soundproof the room?" I asked. He shrugged.

"I was kinda busy cooking enchiladas."

I sighed and went to meet whoever it was that was yelling at me. It turned out to be Allena, and she rushed down the stairs, followed by Lazaro and Figaro.

"Before you see anything," I said, holding up my hands. "I'd just like to say that it was all Webster's fault."

"When is it not?" Lazaro asked. Allena sighed.

"So what exactly happened?" Figaro asked. I turned around.

"Hey, Antonio!" I called. Said Spaniard walked into the room with a half-eaten plate of Narcisius's chicken enchiladas.

"Si?" He asked. Allena's eyes widened.

"Is that Spain?" she asked. I nodded, and proceeded to give my lengthy explanation as to why he was here (see first part).

"You know," Allena said. "I don't think Jane will be thrilled to find out that we have a Spain." Jane then took that opportunity to appear out of nowhere and glomp Antonio.

"Ren! You got a Spain! Do you know how much I love you right now?!" she said, Antonio trying to keep his balance.

"That's great news!" I said, laughing. "Cause there are more on the way!"

.oO0Oo.

HELLO. I AM DEEPSENTINEL. YES, I HAVE JUMPED ONTO THE EXTREMELY OVERCROWDED BANDWAGON. AND NO, I'M NOT TURNING OFF MY CAPSLOCK. IT LOVES ME TOO MUCH. I WOULD LIKE IT VERY MUCH IF YOU REVIEWED. THAT WOULD MAKE ME QUITE HAPPY. SO PLEASE DO SO. THAT IS ALL.


End file.
